Journey to Silent Hill
by MegFallow
Summary: The sequel to Cute Pyramid Head fun. The Gang's mission starts off on the wrong foot and Richard starts to have LSD inducted Vietnam flashbacks after eating a weird mushroom. Crude humor, OOCness, and language. CHAPTER 8 UP! PLZ READ AND REVIEW!
1. Peter Returns!

**A/N: Welcome, the moment you have all been waiting for...THE SEQUEL TO CUTE BABY PYRAMID HEAD FUN!!!!!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Silent Hill and Hellsing or FOX but then you guys would of known that.**

It had been at least a year since the events surrounding the adoption of a baby pyramid head who was dropped off by a mannequin a long time ago, Henry and Eileen named the baby pyramid head Peter while the rest of thier friends Vincent, Richard, Harry, Claudia, James, and Maria became the baby's surrogate aunts and uncles. James's father Frank became the baby's grandfather and gained a second wife (no one knows what happened to the first one and that is a story in itself I would imagine) Eileen and Walter were going steady despite the picture that Peter made for them before he left to live in Silent Hill with his real father.

And Vincent well...lets just say he has no need for a blow-up doll anymore...unfortunely for a young ex-cop vampire.

One day, Henry was about to watch his favorite FOX program "Are you Dumber than a Rock?" when he got thirsty and decided to get something to drink from the fridge. He got up and walked over to open it up and nearly pissed his pants in shock. Well, not really, but he ALMOST (key word 'almost') when he saw no other than (drumroll) Peter! Looking exactly the same way he did those years ago living in apartment 302 in his overalls, blue shirt, and red shoes holding his SpongeBob Doll tighty against his chest.

Peter: (waves) Hi Henry! I missed you!

Henry: P-P-Peter...where did...we thought you were in Silent Hill?

Peter: I journeyed here, to your fridge I don't know why though

Henry: Yeah, I was about to ask about that...what's wrong?

Peter: You have to get your friends together and help me!

Henry: Huh, why? (looks around the inside of the fridge) hey, where is that skinned cat that Richard caught last night?

Peter: He is over there

Points to the skinned cat dragging his slimy, bloodsoaked carcass across the carpet towards the door

Henry: AAAh, No kitty! I just got the carpet shampooed, bad cat bad!

Skinned Cat: (meows eirrly with a hint of agony and pain)

It kept crawling around the carpet messing it up badly with its wet sinewy body. James walked by and saw the dead cat instead of freaking out running and screaming like a little wuss he gets down on his knees and starts to pet the cat getting slimy body fluids and blood all over him.

James: Hi Muffens, whose a good kitty...you are, yes you are!

Henry: (clears his throat) Uh James...

James: (looks up and sees Peter sitting in the fridge on the middle rack) PETER!

Peter: Uncle James! Yay! (jumps out and huggles one of his uncles)

James: (hugs back) Peter, nice to see you stop by for a visit, what's up?

Peter jumps down from James's arms and climbs up on the benchstool looking at his 'daddy' and 'uncle' about to explain.

Peter: There is big trouble in Silent Hill, someone or something is attacking all my friends and family, and since you guys were the only humans I know, I came here to seek help will you all help me and my daddy?

Henry: (thinking) Well...

Suddenly there are sounds of screaming and furniture being thrown around in Henry's bedroom as the door crashes open and Seras Victoria is crawling on on her hands and knees with ducttape over her mouth trying to get out of what seems to be a sticky situation. She is wearing a black wizard's robe and a orange and red scarf with what seems to be a Gyffendore symbol on the front of the robe.

Seras: O.o'' Mmmmmmmmmpppppppppppppphhhhhhhhhh! (flailing her arms)

Vincent: (appears in front of the doorway dressed up as Harry Potter) Oops, looks like Hermione almost escaped there...come on you little Muggle...back to our role-play!

He takes Seras by the ankles and proceeds to drag her back into the bedroom making Seras let out a round of muffled shrieks one after another, digging her vampiric nails into the carpet as she disappeared behind the bedroom door as it shut.

Peter: Who was that daddy Henry...

Henry: (a flush of embarrassment comes over him) Uh...well...she is uuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhh...lets just say she is your new 'aunt', kay?

Peter: kay! Where is Heather?

Henry: Yeaaaaaaaaaaah, long story...

**Meanwhile at the Hellsing Organization...**

Heather is standing in a small cell-like room in front of a mirror on each side of her is Sir Integra and Alucard waiting for her reaction to her new breast implants which make her sport a size double "D" bra. After three minutes of silent awkardness she jumps up and down with her breasts bouncing in hot pursuit.

Heather: I love them! Thank you so much! .

Alucard: (smiling at Integra) See, I told you she would make a good replacement Seras Victoria.

Integra: Yeah...but how good is she at firing heavy guns?

Alucard: (shrugs) Who cares, you know the reason why Seras was ever around was for sex appeal for the male audience.

Integra: That is true, (whispers) _but we can't let her_ (nods her head at Heather)_ know that..._

Alucard: (whispers back) quiet she will hear you...

Heather is skipping around happily with her new "package of balloons" around the Hellsing woman and her vampiric servant

Heather: La la la lalalalalalala!

Integra: Alucard stop staring!

Alucard: O.O' Its so illegal but I cannot turn away!

A/N: Okaaaaaaaaaaay...going back to Ashfield Heights now! NOW!

**Apartment Room 302**

Everyone is happy that Peter came by for a visit. Eileen bought store-made cookies (Oreos I think) and kept stuffing them in Peter's mouth as he laid down the situation for his foster family.

While Vincent is still "role-playing Harry Potter" with his new plaything in Henry's bedroom.

Peter: You see, lately, many of my people have been disappearing and when they are found...well...they have been...e-eaten...shudders

Maria: Eaten?

Peter: Nothing but bones!

Eileen: Here are some more cookies! (hand feeds them to Peter)

Harry: Go on

Peter: No one knows why or who did it please help us!

Walter: Of course we will help you-

James: WHAT! NOOOO! I AM NOT GOING BACK!

Peter: (begs) Pleeeeeeeeaaaaaassssssseeeeee uncle James...please! (takes out the baby eyes)

Eileen: Ohhhh, lets do it, oh those poor little things!

James: Uh hello! Need I remind you who was in that monster-infested town!

Harry: (raises his hand) Yeah me!

James: Okay...but who ran into scarier monsters than what he ran into?

Henry: (raises his head) To tell you the truth those twin monsters were pretty terrifying...

Peter: (bounces his butt up and down quickly) PLEASE ALL MY FRIENDS ARE SCARED AND THE BABY MANNEQUINS CRY BECAUSE THEY HAVE NIGHTMORES THAT THEIR MOMMIES ARE GOING TO BE EATEN!!!!!

Eileen: (eyes twitch) Did you say 'baby mannequins' Peter?

Peter: Yeah, they are-

Eileen: To SILENT HILL! (gets her coat and knocks on the bedroom door) Vincent get dressed and put your 'toy' away we're going to Silent Hill!

Vincent: (from behind the door) Okay! Come on Seras time to get in the closet!

Vincent is donned in his usual attire as Eileen, Henry, Harry, Richard, Maria and the rest of the gang follow Peter towards the kitchen and watch as he opens the fridge.

Walter: I hope that this dosen't effect the electricity bill

Peter: (opens the fridge) Okay everyone, lets go!

Richard: Wait! You are telling me that we have to squeeze into that fridge, no way!

James: Richard's right...he can't fit his fat-ass through that-

Richard: You little (pummels James with his fists)

James: Ow ow ow ow ow Daddy Help!

Frank: You brought it on yourself James!

James: (cries)

Peter ignoring his uncle James cries of pain.

Peter: Everyone say a pray and follow me!

Vincent: (puts his hands together in a prayer) Lord thank you for giving me the gift of a very large-

Claudia: (smacks Vincent upside the head) Lets go!

So they all crawled through the tunnel that appeared in the back of the fridge, one by one they entered. Henry was a expert crawler through holes guy but Harry who never crawled through a hole in his life got claustophobia and they had to drag him the rest of the way towards a light at the end. Peter was piggybacking on Walter's shoulders telling them that it wouldn't be far now.

Peter: (pointing up ahead) There see! Where it is says "Welcome to Silent Hill Monsters: no flash photography"

Henry: (putting away his camera) Crap...

The next thing they all knew they had crawled out of what appeared to be the mouth of a drainage pipe and walked into the middle of the town.

James: That was new

Harry: You said it James

James: I did?

Harry: (slaps his forehead in disgust)

Walter was holding Peter on his shoulders who now was regretting it because the large cone-head was starting to feel heavy under his weight and put the toddler down.

Peter: It shouldn't be this empty OH MYS!

Suddenly out of nowhere armless creatures with bare-breasts and legs with no heads circled our heroes.

What will become of them?

**_TBC_**

**_Why did Eileen freak just now when Peter mentioned baby manequinns? Will they figure out who is attacking Peter's monster people? And how much did Heather's implants cost anyway and will Alucard get accused of being a middle-aged pervert for staring at a sixteen year old Heather's breasts? Find out and feel free to leave reviews and suggestions for upcoming adventures with your favorite cute and cuddly pyramid head toddler. Thank you._**


	2. the silent hill mushroom

**A/N: Thank you for your reviews, and Darkcomet thanks for giving me this idea for Richard (my math skills are rusty, but I think he would of been at least the proper age to go fight in Vietnam) so sit back and enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Silent Hill**

They were surrounded by bare-breasted monsters walking towards them, which in fact, sort of scared the crap out of everyone except Vincent (big surprise) getting closer and closer ready to maul thier unsuspecting victims.

James: Ahhhhh! We're all going to die!

Peter wiggled out of Walter's grip and ran up to the closet monster.

Peter: Wait! They're my friends don't eat them!

One of the bare-breasted monsters leaps up on James and grabs him with her teeth by the leg dragging him off.

James: DADDY DADDY DADDY!

Frank: Awww crap!

Peter rushes over to the monster taking away James and steps in bravely.

Peter: Don't eat uncle James!

James: (pleading) Yeah, 'don't eat uncle James' please!

The monster stopped and let go of his leg which is now torn and bleeding.

BB monster1: Peter! You're back!

BB monster2: (stops growling or whatever sound they make) Oh its Peter!

The BB (bare-breasted) monsters stop their advancement and flock over to Peter while James lays on the ground bleeding profusely.

James: (weakly) help...?

While the BB monsters are fussing over Peter. The rest of them watch nervously, relieved that Peter knows the monsters, and just relieved that they are not going to get eaten at all. As Peter explains that he brought them to Silent Hill to help take care of the problem regarding thier people being mysteriously attacked and devoured, Richard spots a strange-looking mushroom on the ground. Now as you know never eat a mushroom that is growing straight from the ground but seeing how this is a fic, he does it anyway.

Richard: (picks up the mushroom) Hmmmm interesting...

The mushroom is blue with strange carvings engraved into the cap in red. He looks around to make sure no one is watching and places it in his mouth. At first it has a bitter taste to it (plus a hint of dirt) but then...different waves of tastes filled his palet, he started to become light-headed and before he knew it strange shapes and colors floated around distorting the depth and linear perception of everything he saw. Millions of voices slithered through his ear drums like a serpant, voices that were his friends and Peter but other sounds more vibrant and rich in volume that seemed to come from nowhere.

Richard: (thinking) _What is happening to me...I haven't felt like this since...I was in 'Nam...cooooooooool..._

No one was aware of what happened to Richard as Peter turned to his friends. They didn't see Richard wander off into one of the alleyways in the center of the ghastly-infested town.

Peter: (turns around) Okay, these are my daddy's 'concubones'-

BB monster#5: (correcting Peter) 'Concubines' dear...

Peter: (continues)-they are going to take us to see my daddy, he is injured so he can't walk very well.

James: (still laying on the ground) I am not going anywhere with these naked freaks not after what they did to me.

Claudia: Fine, you can just stay there then James we're going.

James's friends were starting to follow Peter and the BB monster creating more and more distance from him as they walked down the street. By sure coincidence (heh heh) the sky became dark and glowing red eyes started to peer from the shadows that glazed the center square where James was laying there unarmed and bleeding from his leg. He looks around nervously, turning to see his friends about to disappear out of sight.

James: WAIT FOR ME!

He starts to crawl off leaving a trail of blood behind as he went.

**In the Silent Hill abandon school**

The concubines escourted Peter and his human friends into the old school that was inhabited by more strange monsters and disgusting-looking creatures which didn't scare Peter as much as it scared the rest of his foster family. Peter just waved and smiled at everyone like they were his neighbors. Vincent was chatting up with one of the BB monsters while Eileen and Walter were once again holding hands. Suddenly something small and leggy ran by her feet and she squealed in delight.

Eileen: Oh my god, its a baby mannequin! He is so cute!

Eileen runs into a sprint, breaking away from the group without realizing she was still grabbing Walter's hand thus dragging him along with her. She followed the tiny mannequinn into what appeared to be a day care room where it joined other little mannequinns. Eileen stared at the cute little bundles of monster joy and detached herself from Walter trying to gather up as many as she could.

Eileen: This one is mine (takes a mannequin baby) and this one, oh can't forget its brother or is it its sister-WHO CARES I WILL TAKE THEM BOTH! (grabs two) Oh and this one is mine...and this one...Walter! Grab that one near the toy box it has a bow on it!

Walter: (standing in front of the doorway) Uh, Eileen, are you sure we should take them?

Eileen: (looks up holding a handful of honking squirming two-inch tall mannequins) Walter, I am a woman, and my maternal biological clock is ticking...I need a baby!

Walter: But...you had Peter...

Eileen: I NEED A BABY!

Walter: (backs off) Okay...this is wierd...but you are really scaring me...

Just then a long slender shadow washes over Eileen as she cuddles her new cutsy wutsy discoveries.

Walter: (shaking) E-E-Eileen...l-l-look out...its 'Big Mamma' mannequinn!!!

Eileen slowly turns around and sees a large five foot mannequinn let out a threatening honk.

Eileen: Uh-oh...

**Meanwhile somewhere in Silent Hill**

Richard is sitting on the filthy ground with his shirt off and his tie wrapped around his head like a head band, he takes a bit of mud and smears it under his eyes. His eyes are bloodshot and he is convulging uncontrollably.

Richard: Yeah...gotta get those...commie bastards...kill charlie...assassinate Jodie Foster...THE BASE WILL BECOME MINE! I AM UNSTOPPABLE WITH MY SHINY AUTO-MATIC!

He takes out a back scratcher (aka his 'auto-matic')

**_TBC_**

**_Yes, chapter two! Will Eileen get out of her predictament? Will Richard have freaky Vietnam flashbacks!? I say so...and will the gang try and help out the Silent Hill monsters? Find out in the next chapter!_**


	3. Napalm Tic Tacs

**A/N: Thank you for your reviews on with the story! I know I haven't been as diligent as Darkcomet has with his story, but I plan on going on at least until the mystery of who is eating the Silent Hill monsters is solved. Remember: this story will have whacked out situations that make no sense, OOCness, and lots of crude humor and violents; oh yes, an language can't forget about the language.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Silent Hill or anything else of commerical value that I mention here in this story. SO THERE! Oh, but Peter the Pyramid Head is mine and the four-headed baby mannequinn was inspired by Darkcomet's "Silent Hill 2: This Room Sucks" Now Enjoy!**

Eileen turned around quickly to see a large five-foot mannequinn crossing her upper legs and tapping her bottom foot peevishly waiting for the human woman to release the little babies. She let out a audible gulp and started to put them down one by one as they scampered off into corners and behind thier den mother. Walter just stood there a bit nervously, sure, he may have been a cold violent serial killar but the truth of the matter is that those huge ass mannequinns scared the living daylights out of him.

Eileen: Uh...i-i-its not what you think you see I was...uh...help me out here Walter!

Walter: Hey, I told you not to grab them in the first place!

Eileen: (she snarls slightly at Walter and turns back to the den mother) I was playing...tag with them...YEAH! Tag! And they were all 'It' heh heh heh...

The big mamma mannequinn was not impressed (how because I can tell these things) she let out a threatening honk and picked up Eileen and Walter tucking them underneath her arms and dragged them out of the daycare room while the tiny mannequinns played and honked happily.

A/N: awwwwww :) cuddles one

Back in the huge office that was reserved for a school principle, Pyramid Head was sitting on his desk with a leg cast on him surrounded by those bare-breasted monsters nursing his every wound. Vincent is sitting there a trying to get thier attention until Frank taps him on the shoulder. Reminding him that he already has a 'sex toy' back at home. The rest were sitting around hearing the lead Pyramid Head's story as Peter sat on his lap.

PH: Where are Walter and Eileen?

Henry: Why ask me I am not thier keeper...

Just then the large female Mannequinn burst in carrying Walter and Eileen once she reached the center of the office she dropped them on the ground roughly and with a threatening honk at Eileen turned around and stepped out.

Eileen: (gets up shaking her fist) Yeah! Well...same to you!

Claudia: You speak Mannequinn?

Eileen: No, I have no idea what the hell she said but I know it was about my thunder thighs!

Vincent: (intrigued) Oh baby!

Claudia: (backhands Vincent) Shut up!

Vincent: (cries like a whimpy mamma's boy)

Suddenly, Henri (oops wrong story) Henry, feels a slight tug on his pant leg, he looks down and sees a baby mannequinn but instead of the equal number of legs on the top and bottom half of his body, he has four legs sticking out of him. Henry watches couriously as it makes a beeping noise and jumps up and down.

Baby Mannequinn (BM for short...ewwwww...why did I think that?) Beeeeeeeeeeeep!

Peter: Hi Micky! (jumps down and jumps along with his little friend)

Frank: What the heck is that?

PH: That is one of our...young...(stares at Micky stranegly) apparently he is the 'odd duckling' in the group.

Frank: Why does he have four legs on his head is that a baby thing like fawns getting thier spots and losing them when they become deers?

PH: No...no...I think maybe he might of been sired by someone who is a tad touched in the head.

Henry: (laughs) Hahahahaha, that is funny, what guy would be stupid and desperate enough to sleep with a mannequinn?

PH: (gives Henry a dirty look)

Henry: (places his hands over his mouth with embarassment)

Vincent: Yeah, some guys have no self-restraint...

Everyone: (stares at Vincent)

Vincent: (looks around stupidly) What? Is my fly open?

Claudia: Heh heh, hey Vincent, did you remember to leave food for your 'toy' before we left?

Vincent: Uhhhhhhhhhhh...

(five minutes later)

Vincent: ...uhhhhhhhhhhh...

**Back at Room 302**

Seras is still locked in the closet sitting in a corner with her knees pressed up against her chest being very bored indeed.

Seras: Oh well, at least I am not getting my ass pinched by Master and that lame priest (not Vincent) while on missions, but I am sooooo bored...and hungry...hey a little boy!

The shadow ghostly image of Little Walter appears before Seras.

Seras: (crawling towards the child with a insane hungry look on her face) Come here little boy...I have toys for you!

Little Walter: Screw you bitch! You just going to bite me and drink my blood!

Seras: O.O' How did you know I was a vampire!

Little Walter: Duh, I saw your fangs you moron!

Seras: You're not as sweet as everyone says you are in the videogame

Little Walter: Yeah well you stay in a closet for twenty years with a stoned journalist and a whiny emo photographer and you try to be mister 'happy-go-lucky-sunshine' you whore!

Seras: Hey, Richard Simmons has been doing it for more than twenty years and he doesn't spout dirty words at people.

Little: Shut up! I am leaving (disappears)

Seras: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! COME BAAAAAAAAACKKKK! Damn, and I just found some 'Uno' cards too...now I have no one to play with! (cries)

**Back in Silent Hill**

Pyramid Head explains the situation and the whole plot of the story finaly.

PH: You see...the monsters would disappear, but when we would find them days later, they would be nothing but bones, usually the cliche would be 'skin and bones' but the skin would be eaten too. I think we are dealing with something that has never been dealt with before in Silent Hill. Will you help us?

Peter's foster family nod thier heads in agreement.

PH: Thank you, take my son along, he has grown to learn about Silent Hill and knows this place like the back of his hand.

James: Oh we don't need Peter, keep him with you where it is safe, I can lead my friends around Silent Hill...I did the most traveling here, remember?

PH: (a long awkard silence follows with a look of concern as he stares at James)...as I was saying, take Peter with you, he knows this place like the back of his hand.

Peter: Thank you daddy!

James: (grumbles)

PH: Now, run along, time is wasting

The Gang lead by Peter emerged from the alternative school and walked along the sidewalk (notice I am combining all the enviroments from SH 1,2, and 3) just as they were about six feet away from the school. A barrage of small little round objects came shooting at them like missiles. Eileen grabbed Peter and ran behind a abandoned car with Walter behind her, while others scattered in different directions trying to find shelter from the attacks that were poised up from a tall building where Richard was standing shirtless with his tie around his head and throwing tic-tacs down at what he throught was enemy soldiers.

Richard: (ranting) DIE CHARLIE DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!

Walter: OMFG! IS THAT RICHARD!?!?!

Frank: (holding his hands over his head and staring up at Richard) Goddammit! What the hell are you doing Richard! Get down from there-OW! I GOT A TIC TAC IN THE EYE!

James: O.O DADDDDDY!

Richard: (praising the accurancy of his target) I GOT HIM I GOT HIM! BANG BANG YOU ARE DEAD! (holds his back scratcher out like a machine gun)

Harry, Henry, and Claudia ran out to secure Frank and dragged him behind a mailbox.

Claudia: How does it feel Frank?

Frank: (withering) I am bleeding and my eye smells minty fresh!

Henry: At least Richard didn't use the cinemmon tic tacs.

Harry: Lets get out of here!

More tic tacs started to fall down like hail in a storm.

Claudia: But what about the others?

Henry: (grabs her hand) We will have to regroup later...lets go!

Down below Richard's friends scatter away taking each a different path as he continued in his drug-laced deillusions. Where he could see little tiny blobs (his friends) of yellow and green striped chibi balls bouncing every which way on a river of rainbow marshmallows.

A/N: I think writing Richard's parts is going to be quite interesting at least until the mushroom wears off

Richard: Yeah, run you commie bastards! I will get you and your magic unicorns of Celestia! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

**_TBC_**

**_Okay, that last line Richard says makes no sense on purpose because he is really really really tripped out on the mushroom. So just be prepared if some of his scenes don't make alot of sense. I am making it from his POV. And in the next chapter we will sort who is with whom and where they are going. I am going to need alot of help with the current map of Silent Hill (but I am sure its nothing that can't be handled) and don't be afraid to read and review._**

**_Also, if I have made a mistake regarding a area in Silent Hill or a scene that needs to be corrected feel free to please say so in a review or PM otherwise I won't catch on to it sooner. And if you have a suggestion or maybe something that Richard can hallucinate while on his drug trip tell me and I will surely put it in. Thank you!_**


	4. Cone heads and Bowling Lanes don't mix

**Title: Journey to Silent Hill**

**A/N: I know its been like forever since I have updated this chapter. I'm glad you all are enjoying this. I have nothing else to say in here other than keep those reviews coming! And Darkcomet you get your butt in gear and finish that Silent Hill 4 parody young man or no dessert! Okay, lets go shall we?**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Silent Hill...well duh!**

**Warning: crude humor, some mild violence, crazy rantings, language, and all out OOCness.**

Before I know it I get hit in the head by a flying tic tac while I am sleeping...

Me: Ow! DAMMIT! (look around sleepily) huh what is...OH CRAP! THAT CUTE BABY PYRAMID HEAD SEQUEL!!!! CRAP CRAP CRAP!

Me: Sorry it took so long...

Walter: About damn time woman!

Me: Shut up!

Where we last left our heroes they had recieved a distress call from Peter that something is eating his people in Silent Hill and his dad is too injured to protect them so he hires some of the characters from various Silent Hill games to check it out and destroy the monster. But in the story (somewhere around chapter two I think) Richard eats a strange mushroom and starts hallucinating thinking he is back in 'Nam or something and shooting tic tacs at his own friends.

Everyone has scattered off and are seperated.

Lets see how this goes...

Walter, Eileen, and Peter are hiding behind wrecked cars. Vincent, Claudia, Henry, and Maria run off while Harry, James, and Frank try to talk Richard down.

Frank: Richard! This is Frank! Lay off the drugs and put down the tic tacs!

James: Yeah Richard listen to daddy, he knows what he is talking about!

Frank Yeah...wait...(turns to James) What?

James: Remember dad, on my fifteenth birthday you took a whole packet of mints and started freaking out?

Frank: James its not the same thing...those were spiked after dinner mints.

James: Oh...once again...how many times do I have to apoligize for it!?

Frank: Until the day I die!

James: (takes out his pistal but Harry waves his hands back and forth mouthing the words "no" at him) Huh, what was that, you know I can't read lips-

BANG!

James, being a moron that he is, forgets to put the safety on and accidently shoots his dad in the foot.

Frank: AHHHHHHHHHHH! OH MY GOD THAT FUCKING HURTS! (falls to the ground in pain) I AM BLEEDING! YOU MORON, YOU SHOT YOUR OWN FATHER!

James: (panicky) Why are you yelling at me daddy?! T.T

Harry looks up and sees that Richard has disappeared, concluding that the sound of James's gun chased him off he wraps one arm around Frank's waist and pulls him up to his feet with the other arm over his shoulder. (if you have ever been in first aide class you know what I am talking about) Frank hissed in pain when he pressed down on his right foot, the one that had a bullet hole in it, and nearly collasped over Harry.

Frank: This is is...I am dead...go on without me...tell my second wife...I love her...

James: And me daddy? What about me?

Frank: Harry...tell my son...he is going to hell...

James: NOOOOOOOOOOOO! (cries like a baby)

Harry: Dont be so melodramatic Frank there is Brookhaven Hospital just up ahead its only a ten minute walk.

Frank: (brightens up) Oh really? Well then how convient! Lets go Harry!

Harry resumes standing Frank up again like before being careful this time not to have Frank bare his weight down on his bad foot and proceeds to escourt him towards the hospital for medical help. James puts away his gun once again forgetting to put the safety on and puts it in his jacket pocket making it blow a hole in it. But being a dumb-ass he dosen't even notice and runs over to his dad and friend to catch up.

James: Wait for me!

A couple of miles up ahead...

Frank: (looks over to see his son waving) Oh shit, move faster Harry, move faster!

Harry: Why, is Richard or that monster following us?

Frank: Worse, its my son!

Harry: O.O CRAP! (starts to move as fast as he can holding a invalid)

**Meanwhile..**

Walter led Eileen and Peter safely into the bowling alley (you know the one I am talking about: the one that you leave Maria outside and you see Eddie and Laura talking) where it was very dark and empty. Eileen put Peter down and allowed him to explore while she tried on the lights. But the electricity for some reason was crappy in Silent Hill and so they had to find candles and light them to see in the dark.

Eileen: Don't wander off too far now Peter

Peter: (somewhere among the lanes) Yes mommy Eileen!

Eileen and Walter took a seat at the tables.

Eileen: (giggles) You know...all these candles are sort of romantic...don't you think so Walter?

Walter: Actually, they remind me that I should really start working on the '21 Sacrements' by now, I have to stop putting it off.

Eileen: (sighs) Uh, since you and me are...well...going out...making me into your mother might be a big deal

Walter: Oh, how so?

Eileen: Well, its just that...that...dosen't it bother you that you are dating a woman that you want to be posessed by the spirit of your dead mom?

While they are talking, Peter is down in the lanes pushing the bowling balls through the gutters.

Walter: Technically Eileen, you are posessed by that of the room not mother herself.

Eileen: (takes out the Silent Hill 4 manuel) Nooo, I am pretty sure that its the spirit of the mother...I mean, don't get me wrong, I am happy we are sharing each other's hobbies its just that this may be alot like incest.

Walter: (reaches out and takes her hand) Well, I am glad you are taking a interest in my hobby, I helped you sponser "Nudist Day" even though that really didn't work, but it dosen't mean anything is going to change sweetie...

A/N: Ah god this is getting boring! Lets switch to someone else shall we?

**Somewhere Else in Silent Hill...**

Henry, Claudia, Vincent, and Maria have reached Sunnyview Apartment and go in.

Henry: Hello...is anyone here?

Maria: Uh, what do you think moron? This town is full of monsters, I am sure that-

A cancer family appears (a family of cancer monsters I should say) from the shadows waving to thier new friends. Its a mom and dad with three little cancer babies tagging along.

Cancer dad: Hi, isn't a little dangerous for you humans to be out there when a monster is attacking and eating everything in sight...come inside you must be hungry after your long trip.

Vincent: (excitedly pushes Henry aside) That would be great! I am starving!

Cancer mom: Well, come with us, we've just about finished setting the table but I am sure we can make room for a few guests. Bobby, Darla, and Ray will you go upstairs and get the extra chairs from the storage closet?

Bobby, Darla, and Ray: Okay mommy! (they huddle up the stairs)

Claudia: Awww, how sweet!

Maria: (thinking) _My street woman's intuition tells me that something is not right...perhaps could they...be the ones that we are looking for?_

The cancer family was too nice...way too nice...and that didn't sit well with her. From her years watching horror movies and being chased down by them. She knew that if a family of monsters invite you over for dinner, than that usually meant they were going to have _you for dinner_ and not as a guest per say. She tried to tell Henry who seemed to be the most sane out of the whole bunch or at least, the group that she was in right now.

Maria: (whispers into Henry's ear) I have a bad feeling about this

Henry: (whispers back) What do you mean, they seem very friendly, nicer than the pack of monsters I had to deal with in Ashfield.

Maria: (hushed voices)Yeah but...wait, what do you mean other monsters, there were monsters in Ashfield?

Henry: (hushed voice)Yeah...didn't Eileen tell you?

Maria: (hush voice) I just thought she meant douchebag men.

Henry: (normal voice) Hey! I would watch that if I were you that is offensive!

Maria: Oh my god you're a douchebag?

Cancer Mom: Please dont say that word around the children

Henry and Maria: Sorry...

Vincent: Can we pleeeeeeeaaaasssssseeeeee go up to your guys' place now I am starving!

Cancer Mom: Oh right...we better hurry before dinner gets cold...come along now.

Vincent: Yay! (he runs up the stairs to the third floor where the baby cancers are setting up the chairs)

Cancer monster Mom and Dad lead the rest of them up the stairway. Henry and Maria are walking behind them still whispering to each other. The prostitute still has a bad feeling about attending a Silent Hill monsters' family dinner.

Henry: (whispers to Maria) By the way, I didn't mean I was a douchebag, I meant that would hurt Vincent's feelings if he overheard you.

Maria: Oh...right...

**The Bowling Alley**

As Eileen and Walter were talking about 'couple stuff' they suddenly heard a clank and a baby squeal coming from the lanes. They turns thier heads and only to see that poor little Peter, who was being courious as to where the balls went after they disappeared down the lane, had poked his head in there and unfortunely the machine that puts down new pins after the others had been knocked down fell on his cone-shaped metal head and made him stuck. Now all they could see was his bottom half sticking out of Lane number 4 wiggling around terrified.

Peter: MOMMMY! MOMMMY! MOMMMMY! HEEELLLLLLPPPP!

Eileen: PETER! (she rushes over to Lane 4) Oh no he has gotten his cone stuck in something again!

Peter: (crying) I AM SCWAREDS!

Eileen: No sweetie...you mean 'scared' you are scared...'scwareds' is not even a word...

Peter: (wiggling frantically) HELP! HELP! HELP! HELP! HELP! HELP!

Eileen: Okay okay! (grabs Peter's waist and tries to pull him towards her but he dosen't budge) Dammit! This is just like when you got your head stuck in that hole in the bathroom wall!!!

Walter: (over Peter's wailing) What do we do?

Eileen: (lets go of Peter and pushes on the pin pusher thingy) its stuck in there good, I know, we will slick him out...too bad we have no shortening though...Walter find something wet and slippery we can use to get him out with...hurry!

Peter: HURRY UNCLE WALTER IT SMELLS LIKE CHEESY NACHOS IN HERE!

**_TBC_**

**_Oh no! Will they get Peter out? Will he learn how to pronounce 'Scared' properly (like Eileen has any room to talk; when you are paired up with her in the game and she goes through her posessed moments she belts out "I am scrwared" like a little child that is where I get that joke from) and will Maria's suspicions be founded. Oh, and what happed to Heather? _**

**_I want to say find out next time but instead I should say I will have the next chapter up as soon as I can. Til then enjoy my other fanfictions (some non-SH ones) and let me know what you think. Good bye for now!_**


	5. Dinner with a family of Cancer monsters

**A/N: Gah, I need to get going on this. Luckily it stopped storming where I live so I might be able to write some stuff in here. Okay, for those of you that are keeping track: there are now three groups we will be focusing on chapters at a time.**

**1-Walter, Eileen, and Peter (a four year old Pyramid Head toddler)**

**2-James, Harry, and Frank**

**3-Vincent, Henry, Claudia and Maria**

**And for those of you who ask: Where is Heather? Check Chapter One and Chapter 14 of "Cute Baby Pyramid Head fun" for details...I think some of you Hellsing fans will like it. Okay, now lets get this story on the road!**

**In The Bowling Alley**

Walter looked everywhere for something to lubricate the rack that Peter was stuck on. He looked around the back of the manager's counter hoping for some oil that they would have used to keep the machinery from squeaking. But he did not. Or if he did it was empty. He wandered into the kitchen area and found a tub full of mayo used for sandwiches that they sell at the concession stands. And by luck would have it it was still full. But quite spoiled.

Walter: Ewww, gross, well its better than nothing I guess.

Meanwhile, Eileen was trying to keep Peter from crying by playing "I Spy" with Peter saying what he spied with his little eyes.

Peter: I spy with my little eye something that is gray and cold.

Eileen: Metal?

Peter: Yup!

Eileen sees Walter coming back.

Eileen: did you find anything?

Walter: Yes, its mayo, its all I can find.

Eileen: (takes off the cap and throws her head back in disgust) IT REEKS!

Walter: Its not like we are going to eat it...

The serial killer kneels down and spreads it all over Peter who starts giggling from the cold yucky texture tickling the back of his cone. His arms and legs kicked everyone from laughter by the time Walter was finished and he grabbed Peter by the legs and pulled the toddler towards him as smoothly as silk.

Peter: (hopping up and down) I am free! I am free! I stink! I am free!

**Meanwhile...**

Frank with the help of Harry stepped through the Brookhaven hospital as James tagged along out of breath they had been trying to loose him for about half a minute yet for some reason he always seemed to find them. Oh well. The hospital was just as James left it. Messy, unorganized, and swarming with morbid corpses of various monsters.

James: (looking around) Nice place...

Frank: Lets just find something to take this bullet out alright?

James: I will help you daddy (takes out his gun) maybe if I shoot in the same place the second bullet will push out the first.

Harry: But then how will we get the second bullet out then?

James: Use a third bullet to push the second one out.

Frank: (yelling) Okay, right away you two both have to know that is the most stupidest idea I have ever heard! Just take me to the Emergency Room I will take it out myself!

Just then, they heard a loud roar coming down the hallway.

Harry: What was that?

James: Wait a minute, I have a idea, lets run to the elevator...dad, you must stay behind and slow it down since you are the lame one.

Frank: At least I am not 'lame' in the head boy (he scrowls and limps past James he stops and slowly takes out his plank and whacks James to the ground) HARRY LETS GO!

Harry: RIGHT!

Both men run (er-limp) as fast as they can towards the elevator. James shook his throbbing head and looked up to see a deformed shadow creeping slowly towards him, he let out a shriek and scrambled to his feet running towards the same direction as his father and Harry.

Frank: Oh shit...there is James! Quick close the elevator door!

Harry: (pressing the buttons) I can't I don't know which ones...!

Frank is casually leaning against the wall of the elevator waiting for Harry to calm down and press the one button that says "Press to Close" after a few minutes he sighs and slowly presses the button just as James wiggles his stupid butt through the closing door.

James: Phew! That was close, I thought I was a goner for sure, did you guys see who smacked me upside the head a while ago?

Harry and Frank give each other shifty looks and shake thier heads.

Harry/Frank: (lying) Nope.

Outside of the elevator they heard sharp claws scratching against the metal doors and heavy breathing, James screamed and jumped protectivly into Harry's arms.

James: Eeek! Why won't the elevator move! This is it! We're done for!

Frank: Oh I forget to press the button for the floor...(he limps over and presses a button with the number eight on it) there we go...

James: Dad, I am surprised how calm you are in all of this.

Frank: Yeah well, you seen one monster you have seen them all.

Harry/James: Huh? O.o

The elevator kept moving up.

**Sunnyview Apartments**

The Cancer monster family sat down to a what seemed to be a decent edible meal along with Henry, Vincent, Maria, and Claudia. Although there was really no time for food, perhaps they could get the chance to ask a few questions about the strange cannibal that is eating his own kind.

Cancer Mom: Oh goodness yes, that is the reason why we can't let the children go outside and play at night anymore, dangerous times it is. As for it being a cannibal that is hard to say no one has ever seen it.

Henry: What about survivors?

Cancer Dad: No survivors...and if there have been they would be too crazy to even think straight. Salad?

Henry: Yes please...(takes the salad bowl and dishes himself some before passing it down the table)

Cancer Mom: The last time I heard of it...the creature took shelter in the hospital down the road and slaughtered all the monsters living in there...poor things...

Claudia: (helping herself to a roll) You mean...it is in there?

Cancer Mom: Possibly...eat some vegatables dear you are skin and bones (gives some to Maria who is sitting next to her fidgeting nervously) anyway, whoever is still in that hospital probably wont be in there now...that creature is vicious I so I have heard.

Vincent: But no one has seen it...pass the salt...(shakes some salt on his meat) so how can you go on all of these heresays and rumors?

Cancer Mom: Its all we got until you guys came along, good luck on your quest, Peter has told me so many good things about you people, how is your meat dear?

Vincent: Its a bit...medium rare...(blood flows down his chin)

Cancer Mom: I make the best cow hearts around, enjoy!

Vincent: O.O (gulps down his 'meat') C-C-Cow hearts?

Bobby: (sitting next to Vincent) They are mommy's specialites!

Vincent: (his face slowly turns green but he keeps eating not to be a rude guest) Mmmm, those are might good Mrs. Cancer.

Cancer Mom: Why thank you, more blood to go with your heart?

Vincent: (fakes a grin) Yes...please...

He urges the feeling to vomit.

Suddenly Maria jumps up from out of her seat screaming and shooting

Maria: I KNEW IT! YOU PEOPLE ARE SICK! THEY ARE GOING TO FEED US ANIMAL PARTS AND GIVE US WORMS! THAT IS THIER PLAN! AHHHHHHHHH!

The paranoid whore runs out of the room as everyone just remains in thier table and eats normally as if nothing has happened.

Cancer Mom: (lets out a depressing sigh) Well...I was going to let it be a surprise but...seeing how Ray got a "A" on his history test we are going to have worms for dessert.

Ray, Bobby, and Darla: (excitid) YAY!!!!!

**_TBC_**

**_EWWWWWWWWW! It was nice of the Cancer family to invite them for dinner but will the rest of them survive dessert? Will Frank get the bullet out of his leg? And was the creature that they are serching for the one that chased those men down the hosptial elevator? Find out next time! And hopefully I will add something with Richard._**


	6. Insert Wierd Title Chapter Here!

**A/N: Oh my god! Where has the time flown? I apoligize to everyone that has been following my series of hilarious off the wall humor fics involving a toddler pyramid head and his adopted family from the Silent Hill games. Another story in a different catagory has distracted me but if it wasn't for my loyal fan Darkcomet's much needed pressure I would never have gotten around to this. SO LET GET THE SHOW ON THE ROAD!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Silent Hill or its characters; Peter the Baby Pyramid Head belongs to me and if anyone wants to use him for a humor fic of thier own than please ask for permission from me.**

**Warning: Language, violence, and crude adult humor.**

**Bowling Alley in Silent Hill**

After using a jar of rotten mayo, Peter was free from his gutter prison in one of the lanes. He ran around yelling "I am free" and smelling like spoiled potatoe salad for about twenty minutes then had to take a break to refreash himself on crackers and juice box.

Peter: All dones!

Walter: Good, I will look for clues while you wash him up Eileen

Eileen: Okay. (she takes Peter's hand and leads him into the bathroom)

Walter takes a flashlight and looks around. There is a empty pizza box covered in blood that he accidently kicks on the floor and the air is swarming with flies and gnats eating off the food in the consession shelves. He does a good spewing and covers his nose.

Walter: Gross, this is worse than my college dorm...

Just then, he gets hit in the head by a shoe.

Walter: What the hell-WHO THREW THIS! (he picks it up angerly)

Richard is behind a overturned table grabbing another one of the bowling shoes and pretends to pull the pin like he is about to throw a gernade. He hurls it at Walter (the enemy in his LSD induced state) and covers his ears hearing the imaginery "boom" go off in his head.

Walter: Oh crap! RICK! (he takes out his chainsaw) Uh sweetie hurry up...someone is here and he is high off his ass!

Eileen: My dad?

Walter: NOOOOOOO! Wait...Richard is your father?

Richard: (leaps from behind his knocked over table) MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Eileen: (runs out the bathroom with Peter in her arms) Oh crap! What the hell do we do!?

Walter: (stands motionless) Stand perfectly still Eileen...people on LSD sense movement. If we don't move we will be okay.

Eileen: (stands still along with Peter but mumbles through the corner of her lips) How do you know?

Walter: (responds in the same fashion as her) Trust me. I know what I am talking about.

Richard takes a candy bar which he brandishes around like a combat knife and walks cautiously around Eileen and Walter as they stand perfectly still. He is a absolute mess. With disheveled hair and strained bloodshot eyes, his face is covered with mud and so are his clothes. His tie is tied around his head like a bandanna. Smelling of wierd mushrooms. He steps around Walter and Eileen very carefully on tip toe.

Richard: I hope that I don't get blown up by the land mines...

Peter: (speaking outloud) We're not landmines uncle Richard...

Richard: (screams and takes out more bowling shoes) AHHHHH! ITS A TRAP! ENEMY FIRE!

He panics and throws bowling alley shoes at Walter, Eileen, and Peter. Fearing no choice but to run they scream heading towards the back of the building through the door that leads out in the foggy alley where Laura stepped on James's hand and kicked the key. Walter looks over to see Richard on their heels and tries to push the door close but then it gets stuck.

Walter: We have to hide! Quick, to the construction site!

Eileen: (hugging Peter tightly who is crying) NO! That is no place for a baby. We will hide in that strip club Heaven's Night-or whatever its called!

Walter: Lets go!

Walter leaves the door and they run into the doorway to that strip club. Slamming the door just as Richard stepped out into the alley and looked around trying to find the 'communies' he staggers along in his vision of rainbow candy streets paved with chococalate hershey kisses filled with walking guns with legs and arms like in a cartoon. Little blue birds with pith helmets air strike mushrooms where those treasure trolls live.

Richard: (quoting "Apocalypse Now') God I love the smell of burning puppy tails in the morning!

He skips over to a huge bonfire where Blue is dancing around a burning effegy of Steve.

Richard: Hey Blue can I join?

Blue: (barks happily)

Richard: Yay! (dances with Blue) after this lets get drunk and have a threesome with Magenta!

Blue: (growls and attacks Richard in the face)

Back in reality, the three of them watch through a broken window as Richard is being mauled by a disgusting morbid-looking dog that Henry encountered in the subway level.

**Cancer family's apartment building (duh I forgot the name...)**

After Mrs. Cancer packed some "food" to go Vincent, Claudia, and Henry went outside to fetch Maria. As luck would have it she landed in a empty dumpster instead of nice soft smelly garbage bags.

She was out cold.

Vincent: (eating out of the bag-WTF!) Hey Maria, wake up we have to go!

Maria: (suddenly gets up) Fine...I was waiting to see how long it would take you guys to realize I wasn't knock out

Claudia: First stop is the hospital guys.

**Brookhaven Hospital**

The Elevator kept going up forever. Until at last it finally stoppped and automatically opened the door. They were in a abandoned part of the hospital where carts and stretchers were knocked over every which way and paper were scattered everywhere on the floor slicked with blood and blackish goo. A smell of rotting meat and pestilence filled Harry, James, and Frank's noses making them reel over in disgust upon stepping out of the elevator.

James: OH DEAR GOD! THIS IS HORRIBLE!

Frank: For once you are right son, this is the most grossiest looking scene I have ever seen in my life-

James: No its not that I left my gun on the bottom floor

Frank/Harry: (groan in frustration as James trips over a toppled chair)

James: Omph!

Just then two ceiling monster appeared in front of them as James lets out a girlish scream

**TBC**

**Oh noes! What do these two ceiling monsters want? How will Walter and Eileen fair with a four year old in a strip club? And why did Steve derserve to die Blue? All this and more in the upcoming adventures of Peter and his Silent Hill friends!**


	7. Kittens make cute decoys

**A/N: Whew, sorry it's been taking so long….but at least I am nearly finished with this fic. Getting a new place, work, and other stuff have been keeping me busy. But I will get it done soon.**

**Okay...here we go!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Silent Hill or its characters with the exception of Peter.**

The two ceiling monsters swung thier tails about staring at James, Frank, and Harry. They approached them sinisterly, licking thier lips as they went about to leap when-

James: (takes out a handful of cash) HERE TAKE IT! ITS ALL I HAVE!

Frank: Hey! That is my money! Put it back!

James: Sorry...(gives it back to his father)

Ceiling Monster: What are you doing here?

Harry: We are looking for the creature that has been eating your kind, seen it?

Ceiling Monster 2: What does it look like?

Harry: How should we know if we knew we would have just described it to you before you even asked.

Ceiling: Yeah, I notice you guys have a habit of doing that.

James: I don't...I don't think...

Frank: That is right...you don't think James...look, a mouse!

Frank points to a dank blood-soaked hallway.

James: Yay mouse! Heeeeeeereeeee mousey, mousey, mousey! (he runs off down the hallway looking around for a apparent mouse)

Ceiling Monster: (stares at James oddly) Is he...?

Frank: Yes...a brain-dead loser that is unfortunely my son.

Ceiling Monster: I was going to say 'available' but if he is that dumb never mind.

Harry: Wait...What!?!

**Meanwhile, somewhere else while I try to get my bearings on this story...**

Walter, Eileen, and Peter entered 'Heaven's Night' a strip club where Eileen told Peter that 'its where his aunty Maria used to work'. As they looked around, Eileen put Peter down and the little cutey toddled around weaving underneath tables and chairs.

Peter: Can I play on the poles?

Eileen: No!

Peter: I will wash my hands afterwards...

Eileen: Okay then.

So Peter shimmied up the top of the pole and slid down again happily.

Peter: Weeeeeeeeee! (thump-he lands on his butt-so cute!)

He shimmies up the pole and does it again.

Peter: Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-!

Walter: That would be a cute sight if it wasn't for the fact that the pole hadn't been cleaned in twenty years.

Eileen: O.O PETER GET OFF THAT POLE RIGHT NOW YOUNG MAN!

**On the streets of Silent Hill...**

The others were walking towards Brookhaven Hospital. When all of a sudden, Henry tripped over something that set off a wave of garbage cans flying in thier direction.

Henry: HOLY CRAP ITS CRAP! RUN!

They ran behind a mailbox just before the trash struck them.

Vincent: Looks like one of "Sergent" Braintree's booby-traps...Mmm...boobies...

Claudia: (slaps Vincent out of his trance) Richard must be nearby, maybe we can knock him out of his acid trip or something.

Maria: How?

Claudia: I don't know...!

Vincent: (comes out from behind the mailbox) RICHARD! ITS YOUR FATHER! STOP ACTING LIKE YOU ARE IN THE WAR RIGHT THIS INSTANT!

A more powerful wave of trash comes at Vincent who leaps out of the way just in time.

Vincent: Well, that didn't work...why don't we just surrender and hope that the Geneva Convention Rules apply here...

Henry: No we need to get to the Hospital! We just need a distraction!

Maria: Like what? (half hoping that it wouldn't be her)

Henry: Hmmmmm, how about...(he looks over...)

Claudia: ... O.o

Henry: (...past Claudia's shoulder at a sweet little kitten staring up at them)

Claudia/Henry/Maria/Vincent: Awwwwwww...

The next few minutes the kitten is lauched out into the street as a decoy for Richard. Just as the kitten lands on the ground and shakes its head, he comes out with a net made of fried chicken bones tied with twistie ties and sneaks up towards the kitten who is a bit dazed from the toss. While he isn't looking Henry, Maria, Vincent, and Claudia crawl out of his hindsight to saftey.

Kitten: O.o Mew?

Henry: (while crawling) You know, it sort of bothers me...

Maria: About-(looks over her shoulder) Vincent I told you to keep your eyes down on the sidewalk-(looks back at Henry)-about throwing that sweet little baby kitty out as bait for Richard?

Henry: No...about that chicken bone net...creepy.

Vincent: I wonder how my toy is holding up.

Claudia: Don't worry I fed her before we left.

Vincent: XD Thanks Claudy!

Claudia: T-T Don't call me Claudy...

**Back in the Apartment**

Seras: I ammmmmmmmmmm boreeeeeeeeeeed! (she was laying on her back counting the clothes hangers for the fifth time) One...two...three...Okay...now what?

She lifted her upper body up and knocked over a box as she did so. Some books tumbled out.

Seras: Oh boy! (she grabbed some) Ohhhhh, this looks like something I better hang on for Integra...this looks important: "How to pick up men the non-slutty way" "So You're Author is a yaoi-lover"...what is yaoi anyway? I will just ask Master before he goes out to sleep with that werewolf nazi Hans..um...Well well...

She found a book that seemed to scream "read me" and it was...

VINCENT'S DIARY!!!!!!!! DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNN!

**In the Hospital.**

James suddenly ran screaming out of the blood-stained hallway. One of the ceiling monsters wrapped him up in his tail in a sort of comforting embrace (but he was secretly trying to feel him up) From where James left was the sound of a bone-chilling growl getting closer and closer.

Ceiling Monster 2: Its the creature! Hurry, this way!

Frank and Harry were hesitant they wanted to know who or what the creature was but on the other hand if it could eat monsters what would stop them from eating humans as well?

Ceiling Monster 1: (still hugging James) Its getting closer...why is the author just letting us stand here!?

MegFallow: Because I figured now would be a good time to see who the monster is...

Frank: Like...like who...

MegFallow: Well...you see the monster is...(but before she could say anything a dark portal appeared from behind her where a short-haired blond girl with abnormally large boobs flew out at top speeds hitting the author from behind and knocking her out cold) XP X.x

Harry: HEATHER!

Heather: DADDY!

Alucard: (from inside the dark portal) She is a sex offender I tells ya! If you don't do something with that bitch soon I am pressing rape charges!

Harry: (hugs his daughter but gives her a stern look) Honey...?

Heather: Yes daddy?

Harry: You didn't grope that vampire did you?

Heather: Um...maybe...?

Harry: (brightens up) Oh well, at least you are back safe and sound!

Alucard's voice: I mean it...I will press charges! Don't think I won't!

Frank: Um, aren't we forgetting something?

The dark bulking figure of a blob-like shadow rears up behind Frank in a extreme cliff-hanging cliche!

Alucard's voice: (sees the dark blobby creature) Cripes I am out of here! If you guys get out of this alive call my lawyer! BYE!

Black portal disappears...

_**TBC**_

_**OH NO! WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT? WILL HEATHER GO TO JAIL? AND WHAT WAS THAT CREATURE! Next time we will reveal its secret identy and Peter learns alot of strange new stuff in the strip club...you have been warned.**_


	8. Mmmm that is good heart

**A/N: Hi, its been a while...with work and everything. But if Darkcomet can finish with all three of his Silent Hill parody stories than so can I! Well, at least this one anyway. So enjoy the random zaniness of -my silent hill adventure!**

And thanks to everyone that has reviewed and read it! It means alot!

Disclaimer: I don't own Silent Hill, Hellsing, Law and Order:SVU or any of its mentioned characters.

**Brookhaven Hospital**

Dun dun duuuuuuuunnnnnnnnnnnnn!

The blob-like shadow came up from behind Frank.

James: Oh my freaking god! Look out behind you! (he pointed to a monster nurse behind Frank that got suddenly eaten by-EDDIE!)

Eddie: (stretches out his jaws like a snake and swallows the nurse whole leaving behind blood and broken bones)

Everyone: EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

Harry: (vomits)

Eddie: I am back bitches! (laughs evily)

Hanging Monster: So you are the one-Ahhhhhhhhhh! (gets eaten by Eddie)

Eddie: Yes, you may have killed me but I came back for revenge! (spits out the metel bed)

Heather: We didn't kill you, I threw my sailor moon tiara-thingy at you and it hit you in the nuts, you cried like a baby and poofed off!

Eddie: Shut up!

Harry: Don't tell my daughter to shut up I will wupp your ass!

Hanging Monster2: Hehehehehe, there is probably enough for all of us to wupp-AAAAAAAH!

Eddie: (lunges and eats up the second monster also)

Hanging Monster2: I loooooooooovvvvvvveeeee youuuuuuuuuuuu Jaaaaammmmm-(dies from the digestive tract)

James: (looking at a crack in the wall) What did it say?

Frank: Lets get the hell out of here!

Everyone runs as Eddie chases them prepared to eat thier fleash (A/N: Ewww gross) they ran for a nearby elevator running faster and faster, all four of them managed to run into the Elevator but there was one problem:

James: Ahhhh! The Elevator is closing on me! Dad! Dadddy! daddddddddyyyyy! (squeezes a arm through the small space between the door)

**Uh...Meanwhile...with the other characters...**

Seras looked into Vincent's diary and read the first entry.

Seras: "Dear Diary: Febuary 4th 1976...why is everyone hairy down there but me...?"

She stops for a minute and belts out laughing uncontrollably.

**Heaven's Night**

Eileen gets on the stage and pulls Peter off the poles.

Eileen: Okay, that is enough, lets get out of here.

She, Walter, and Peter go through the pink door and down the stairs walking into the thick fog.

Walter: (stops and looks around) Uhhhhhhhh...

Eileen: What is wrong?

Walter: I have no idea...except that I seem like I am forgetting something...

Peter: LOOK OUT!

Just then a net made of dental floss and chicken bones falls over them trapping them underneath, out of the fog appears Richard covered in mud and looking a bit freaked out more than ever before.

Richard: Now I caught you! You are prisoners of war! (he grabs the bottom of the net with his bare hands and starts to pull them toward the hospital however its too heavy for him to move)

Walter: (sitting there casually) Um, need a little help?

Richard: No, no I got it...(slightly moves it)

Walter: Uh, are you sure-

Richard: Yeah, yeah really I can get it.

Eileen: (whispers) Sweetie help him...

Walter: (whispers back) he says he dosen't want any help...

Peter: (Decides to take a nap on Eileen's lap) Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

**Meanwhile...**

Detective Benson and Stabler are in the interviewing room writing down Alucard's statements for the big case against Heather Mason. Lets listen in...shall we?

Alucard: (wiping away blood tears) And then...she grabbed me in the crotch area and whispered 'its okay...you are pretty...' and started rubbing it in a circular motion, I was so scared I let her because she had a huge-ass gun...

Stabler: Grrrrrrrrrr! (slams the wall)

Benson: What the hell!?

Stabler: Sorry...there was a spider on the wall.

A/N: Okay...enough of that...now on to the show!

**Meanwhile...IN SILENT HILL!**

Henry, Claudia, Vincent and Maria watched as Richard dragged Walter and Eileen away with Peter in tow. They were hiding behind the huge semi-truck. When Richard opened the door and entered the hospital. Maria came out and looked at herself in the rear-view mirror.

Maria: Gawd, I look like shit...(straightens her hair)

Suddenly they hear a woman murmuring softly.

Henry: Ahh, its my ghost!

Vincent: Don't be silly, your ghost in on vacation remember?

Henry: Oh yeah...I wonder who it could be, it sounds like its coming from behind the semi-truck...

They walked around and sure enough there was Angela...on the ground...laying on her side...with her knife dangling upside down by its handle.

Angela: Oh...its you...

Claudia: Which one?

Angela: All of you.

Vincent: (comes by later and sees the knife-welding Angela) GAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH! HOLY SCIEKIES! Those sweat pants don't do you a lick of justice-ewwww.

Maria: Vincent shut the hell up! (elbows him in the stomach)

Vincent: Owwww-bitch.

Henry: What a minute-if you are here..than...Eddie?

Angela: (stands up) Yup, we followed you here.

Vincent: Oh...my...god...YOU TWO ARE SCREWING EACH OTHER!

Angela: (freaks) NO WE ARE NOT!

Vincent: (screams) YES YOU ARE!

Angela: No! NO WE ARE NOT!

**_A/N: This goes back and forth for about a half-hour._**

Claudia: Shut the hell up both of you! (Vincent and Angela shut thier traps) look, I agree there is nothing more gross than seeing Eddie naked or even having sex with him in that matter (takes a bite out of a heart that the Cancer Family packed while talking) but arguing is getting us nowhere-(blood and maggots dribble down her mouth)

Everyone just stops and stares at her digustedly as she speaks.

Claudia: But..(takes another bite like its a apple) We have three friends that have been captured by one that is going through crazy Vietnam flashbacks, a creature that is eating up Peter's friends, and to top it off who knows where Harry, Frank, and James went off to-(wpes her mouth and takes another bite as Vincent pukes off in the corner)-so I suggest we all stop bitching and work together, right?

Everyone: O.O'

Claudia: I am glad you all see it my way-(takes another big bite of the heart) Now come on, lets go find Walter and Eileen.

Taking Angela in tow, they make it to Brookhaven Hospital up the front entrance. Vincent tries to pull the doorhandles of the double doors but they seem to be unable to move. Now he tries pulling them open with both hands on the handle.

Henry: Come on Vincent pull it!

Vincent: I can't pull it open, its stuck!

Claudia: Well jingle the handle or something our friends are in there!

Vincent: I am trying (starts to wiggle it) Its so hard! Maybe if I shake it back and forth...

Claudia: Here, let me try, Angela you help too.

Angela: Okay...(grabs it) My its sure is huge, I can't seem to get my fingers around it...(pulls on it)

Vincent: Becareful it might come off-it looks very old.

Henry: Jiggle it and then pull...harder! HARDER!

Vincent: (growls until the sweat is dripping down his face) I am pulling it as hard as I can!

Claudia: Oh you are not pulling it hard enough-come on! Come on! Come on-!

Maria is standing in the sidelines watching them.

Maria: Hmmmm, that reminds me (takes out her cellphone) Hello, Phil-Hi its me Maria, listen I am not going to work the Brunner place tonight, yeah...uh huh...okay...yeah, send Shena in that is okay...she needs the hours. Right, okay, see you later, bye. (hangs up)

She lookes up and the rest of them are staring back at her weirdly.

Maria: What? I am just calling in to work to tell them I won't make it. Geez, I am just trying to be a good employee...

Henry: More like a 'whorey' good employee (laughs to himself until he gets kicked in the shins by Claudia) Owww!

Maria: (walks over) Let me try, stand back everyone.

As the rest of them give Maria room she leans her body back and kicks the door down the middle with her boot. It slams wide open.

Maria: All right! Woot! I knew there was a reason for wearing these boots...heh heh, other than looking good. Okay everyone lets move out!

**TBC **

**Will Heather get arrested for molesting Alucard? Will James make it through the elevator door or share the same fate as Maria in the game? And where is Richard taking Walter, Eileen, and Peter?**

**YOU DECIDE! ...and thank you for reading.**


	9. No pressure Peter

**A/N: Whew, sorry it's been taking so long….but at least I am nearly finished with this fan fiction. Getting a new place, work, and other stuff have been keeping me busy. But I will get it done soon.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Silent Hill**

Where we last left our friends, Peter escaped from a LSD induced Richard Braintree, and the others were starting to enter the hospital while a old fatass enemy returned. James had his foot caught inbetween the elevator while Eddie was slinking towards him. If he wasn't scared in that slaughterhouse place now, he sure as hell was now.

James: No Eddie! Don't kill me! points behind him KILL HIM!

Frank: HEY! STOP POINTING AT ME YOU IDIOT! OR ELSE I WILL TELL YOUR STEPMOTHER!

James: Sorry, dad I meant to point at Harry.

Harry: Goddammit!

Heather: (snuggles up behind her daddy) I still love you daddy!

Harry: Awwww thanks honey! (hugs her and then sniffs absentmindly) Sweetie, why do you smell like fear and rotting corpses...?

Heather: I killed ghouls while raping a vampire why?

Harry: (looks shocked and just stares blankly at her) Uh, no reason.

At that moment, Eddie grabs James and drags him away from the elevator.

James: Dad help! PLEEEEAAAASSSSSSE! HE IS GOING TO KILL ME!

Frank: (not caring) Bye son have fun with your new friend!

James: T.T dadddy!

Meanwhile, in the Hospital Boiler ROom, Eileen and Walter were still netted down by the makeshift net of chickenbones and um...twisty ties I think it was. Peter somehow got out of the net and was sent to retrieve a rescue party. But despite his eagerness to save his "mommy" the stairs were much too big for him.

Peter: Mommy? o.o

Eileen: You can do it Peter sweetie! I don't want to put any pressure on you but unless you don't hurry up and get up those stairs I am afraid Richard might skin our bodies to make into clothes and burn our wet sticky bloodfilled flesh in the incinator in a sort of "Wickerman" ritual and you will never see us again.

Peter: MOMMMMMMMMYYYYY! O.O

Walter: She did say no pressure...

Peter: (a little startled) O-Okays. (climbs up the stairs)

**A hour later...**

Peter: Look at me! I climb up the stairs all by myself! I am a big boy mommy! Mommy?

He looks over and sees that Eileen and Walter are taking a nap. He then skips merrily away to find his other friends and hope to talk some sense into Uncle Richard. But can he succeed?

**TO BE CONTINUED!**

**FINALLY! Sorry if it has been months or even a year since I continued, but don't blame me blame the wonderful game WORLD OF WARCRAFT! Its worth buying trust me. And I recommend using the pre-paid cards. I hope my faithful reviewers are stil there...I am sure you at least at some point want to know what becomes of them.**


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